Jokes: Congress

- Anthony Weiner is taking a leave of absence from Congress and join treatment program after a controversial twitter picture -

Husband : Tomorrow is the election right.. I don't know who should I vote..
Wife        : Nowadays its easy my dear..
Husband : Really... But how am I going to decide..
Wife       : Find the twitter account..  You start from there..

Jokes: Bahrain

- Military court sentenced a 20-year-old poet to a year in prison and two former Bahraini opposition lawmakers went on trial -

Prisoner X : What brought you guys here...
Prisoner A : I write poet, I got 1 year in prison
Prisoner B : I write song from his poet, I got 2 years in prison
Prisoner C : I got 10 years in prison...
Prisoner X : But why?
Prisoner C : For not telling my grandson not to write poet - 5 years,
                   for not telling my son not to write song from my grandson's poet - 5 years

Jokes: Contraceptive pills for men

- Developing soon is contraceptive pills for men. A drug which stops sperm production was claimed to be developed by scientists at Columbia University in New York -

Wife        : OMG my pregnancy test is positive!
Husband : OMG how can that possible. It must be you didn't take your contraceptive pills...
Wife        : It's your turn to take your contraceptive pill this month, remember! It's your fault...
Husband : Oh no.. I forgot such pills existed

Jokes: E.coli

- Time is running out for German investigators to find source of world's deadliest
E.coli outbreak in German according to health experts -

Alien general : How is our E.coli spread in German?...
Alien officer  : Oh you mean our Extraterestrial Colision bacteria...
                      Don't worry Sir. Everything was as plan. We covered it up properly...
                      What's our next big plan for invasion Sir?...
Alien general : Release the soundtrack...
                      Katy Perry, E.T

Jokes: Ipad

- Ipad2 hot item 2011 -

Wife        : Wow look at this. Can i get Ipad2 for our anniversary?

Husband : Of course darling. I'll buy it for you.

                I'll buy it for you using your credit card of course.

Wife        : Jeez.. But why?

Husband : I lost my credit card last year after you said you dont want anything for our anniversary 

                and suddenly you are using Ipad1

Jokes: Tsunami Japan

- Tsunami hit Japan -

Father    : What are you reading son.
Child      : I'm trying to find story about tsunami in Japan.
Father    : Are you serius?
Child      : Of course dad. My friend said i can find it here.
Father    : What make you think you can find it in naruto manga?!!

Jokes: Former IMF Scandal

- Investigators said today, DNA belonging to former head of IMF was found on the uniform worn by the hotel chamber maid who accused him of sexually assaulting her in his Manhattan hotel suite -

Boyfriend    : Wow! That waitress is hot!
Girlfriend     : You better shut your mouth.
Boyfriend    : Dont be too serious. I was kidding.
Girlfriend    : If you shut your mouth, your saliva that was drooling while looking at her
                   wont reach her uniform as DNA..

Jokes: Botox Girl 2

- A mother gives botox to 8 year old daughter in preparation for a beauty pageant -

Mom          : Today we are going to get injection for you.
Daughter    : Is it going to hurt?..
Mom          : A little maybe..
Daughter    : Is it safe?..
Mom          : It is to safeguard your health of course.
Daughter    : Is it going to make me pretty? Is it goin to get rid of my dimple?
                   Can i win peagent after this?
Mom         : Keep quiet. It is not botox . It is your immunization injection.

Jokes: Botox Girl 1

- A mother gives botox to 8 year old daughter in preparation for a beauty pageant -

Son      : Happy mother's day mom. Here a present for you mom.
Mom    : Wow! What's this.. Ooo a mirror..  Thank you.. 
Son      : I want you to realise how beautiful you are. You don't need botox.
Mom    : Botox?!! I never have botox.
Son      : Mom, i saw you injecting botox everyday.
Mom    : That's not botox, its my daily insulin injection for diabetes.

Jokes: Osama Story

- Osama bin Laden's youngest wife, Amal Al-Sadah, was shot in the leg
in a raid on Abbottabad complex - 

Doctor            : I'm so busy today. Have you read the news about osama's death?
Female patient : No i haven't read the news but i'm sure about it.
Doctor            : Wow! How can u tell? I need good instinct like you.
Female patient : Well they shot my leg after they shot him. Its not instinct.